Some baby randomness.

twenty-one days people.

twenty. one. days.

and while most people at this point have finished their nursery and are basking in the glow of pre-baby peacefulness, i'm dripping in sweat and stressing out that i will never get everything done before this little one decides to make its appearance.

i'm dilated a fingertip, people.

a whole fingertip.

and while realistically that means this baby could come in days or (most likely) even weeks, 

for some reason it completely freaked me out to hear that i was actually even progressing.

last night as i lay in bed, breathing through increasingly more painful braxton hicks and praying my back pain would just go away, i willed the baby to stay put.

just a little bit longer, little one.

this little one just needs a little bit longer.

i need just a little bit longer to enjoy your daddy and brother just the three of us. 

a little bit longer to spend in quiet wonderment at the kicks and stretches within my belly.

a little bit longer of quiet peacefulness before the beautiful storm that is to come.

a little bit longer of just me and you before i have to share you with the world.

just a little bit longer.

*****

i am going to admit it.  i'm a little sad i don't get to do a baby room this time around.  we live in a teeny tiny house and will be squeezing the baby and all its business wherever we can see fit.  so while i may not be picking out paint samples or fabric swatches for this little one, i have spent many an hour drooling over style boards of "someday" rooms if we ever do get the chance to move on up to a three or four bedroom abode.

is gold and coral a theme?  because i'm obsessed with gold and coral.  with a bit of mint and yellow thrown in for good measure.

and how cute is this little boy's nursery?  i grew up in a farming community and it was once my dream to marry a peach farmer.  i had really weird aspirations as a high schooler...

both style boards courtesy of lay baby lay.

i have been sewing a lot these past few weeks.  finishing up projects i started at christmas.  sewing a sweet little boy and a sweet little girl blanket to welcome baby at the hospital.  and of course making cloth napkins.  because how can i bring a baby into a home without cloth napkins??

we live at the pool.  my child is a brown bear.  and i don't know what i'll do if we ever move from here because this pool has been my saving grace this summer.  also, i love this suit and will probably wear it for the rest of my life.  skirts on suits are totally hip, right?

i have reached the point in my pregnancy where i now have to visit the doctor twice a week.  i am a high risk patient and they have slowly been weaning me off my medications in preparation for delivery which means even more monitoring of baby.  i sat hooked up to this contraption for an hour and a half yesterday (the normal is 20 minutes) and i was so bored and in pain from having contractions in an awkward position that i wanted to cry.  it is uncomfortable and i had two nurses working on me because they were struggling to find baby's heart beat or keep it on the monitor consistently.  you can't nap because the monitor is loud and constantly beeping at you, and you can't use your cell phone which means i couldn't even play candy crush.  i cheated and snuck my phone to send my friends and my husband this picture.  because i really want everyone to feel like they are as much a part of these exciting appointments as i am.

also.  i sat sans pants under this paper sheet for over 30 minutes before my doctor came to see me.  within less than a minute she was paged to go deliver a baby.  i sat for over an hour more sans pants waiting for her to come back.  they didn't even offer me a snack or a capri sun while i waited.  

how rude.

as previously mentioned, we have a tiny house and have no room for a baby.  praise the Lord for this little nook we have in our bedroom.  for now the baby will be sleeping in a cradle by our bed and all his or her clothes and diapers will hang out here.  i am obsessed with the blue cart full of tiny newborn cloth diapers and wipes.  and our luggage is sitting there all ready to go in the red chair in case of a quick late night dash to the hospital.  sometimes i just sit on my bed and stare at this space.  a year ago we were still healing and mourning from the loss of our third pregnancy.  now we are less than a month away from welcoming a sweet little one into our home.  God is so good.  i will never stop proclaiming how good he has been to us through this entire journey.

my new almost-nightly ritual.  tubby.  downtown abby on hulu.  and cheap off-brand popsicles.  heavenly.

i made this hot/cold rice pack for my back.  after my tubby i warm it in the microwave for about 2 minutes and then hold it tightly across my lower back while i bounce on my yoga ball and watch more downton abby.  my life has never been so exciting.

 we are officially in "guess mode" for baby.  popeye, swee'pea, and myself all guess boy.  what do you all think?

 it only took my seven months but i finally finished his big brother blanket.  little brother blanket matches but on a much smaller scale.  i love this boy so much.  he is going to be the best big brother.  the best.

soon my lap will be filled with a nursing babe, but right now i'll take any chance i can get to cuddle both my kiddos close.  i love this boy so much it brings me to tears sometimes.  how is he almost six years old?? he has grown up in an instant over the past few months and i know bringing the new baby home will make him seem even bigger.  so i am going to enjoy these last few weeks of squeezing and loving on my sweet big boy, even if he insists on wiping away my kisses and or pulling away from my lingering hugs.

 he loves reading to me and the baby.  i might just pass out from how cute he is.

oh, sweet little love.  i can't stand how adorable you are.  i can't wait to kiss those sweet cheeks and look into those little eyes.  i can't believe you are growing inside of me.  what a gift you are!  we are all so excited to meet you... to know you... to hold you in our aching arms.  you have been prayed for and over for years and years.  i can't believe that my dream of having a baby is soon becoming a reality.  i love you to the moon and back, little mister or miss.  i love you more than you'll ever know.