today.

today was hard.

really  hard.

lucy girl cried.

she cried a lot.

big brother was patient as i nursed and rocked and shushed her through our three hours of schooling this morning.

he was kind and loving to this haggard mama who hadn't showered in days and smelled faintly (okay... strongly) of baby spit-up and the lingerings of whatever food had been dropped on my shirt.

we worked on fractions and proper nouns and silent g words.

we talked about the importance of the nile river and how cool it was that God raised up a great king out of a little shepherd boy named david.

and at the end of the day, when i couldn't take one more moment of the insanity that was our lives today, i drug everyone out to the van and turned on the music and just drove.

at first there was screaming and then there was silence.

silence.

something i haven't heard in awhile.

not from my sassy little girl or my talkative little boy.

i looked in my rearview mirror and there they both were.

my precious angels.

sleeping harder than i had seen either of them sleep in a long time.

and i wept.

thankful, exhausted tears.

thankful not just for the silence but for the sweetness of it all.

the gift that is parenthood.

the children i longed for for so long that are daily reminders of God's graciousness to me.

because even though there have been lots of hard days with them.

and there will be many more to come.

i am forever grateful.

for the time i have with them.

for these moments.

when i can just sit in silence and remind myself how precious these day with them truly are.

i will never again have today... this sweetly hard day... with my children again.
tomorrow they will be a little older, a little different, a little changed from who they are now.
so even through the tears i am thankful for the gift that is each and every moment i am with them.
and for the honor i have of being their mama.