baby love.

Sweet Baby,

I can hardly think of words that are strong enough to express how deeply in love with you I am.  As I sit here staring at your precious profile, I am brought to tears and completely baffled that I am in fact looking at the face of a little person who is growing inside of me.  A little person I have dreamed about for years and have desperately longed to meet in reality.  It is sometimes hard to fathom, after years and years of longing, that it won't be long now until I am actually holding you in my arms.  That you are actually mine.  That my heart's desire is actually coming true.

My little one, these past few weeks have been tough on this mama.  I don't know if its my age, my medications, the scars of losses and longings of the past several years, or the combination of it all... but I have been particularly sensitive lately and have allowed a handful of thoughtless and ill-timed comments to momentarily let my joy over this pregnancy be stolen.  And I hate that.  I hate that I've allowed others to rob me of the preciousness that is this time.  I hate that I've allowed my negative emotions to take control of my heart.  I hate that I've given in to the aches and pains of my body and my mind and my soul.  And I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that for a few weeks I lost sight of what was truly important here.  Not my weight.  Not my skin.  Not my aches.  Not my inability to do. see. go. like I'm so used to doing.  No.  You are what is important.  You growing and thriving and blossoming bit by bit and day by day is what is important.  Nothing else matters but getting you here safely.  Not my crazy hormones or my bloated belly or my face that saw better days when it was in Junior High School.  Not one of those silly things matters when I remember how incredibly worth it it will all be once I meet you.

Sweet love, I am literally counting down the moments until I am holding you for the first time.  I am so ecstatic and practically giddy with the thought of what is to come.

Labor.

Delivery.

Nursing.

Sleepless nights.

Countless diaper changes.

And breathing in that sweet baby smell.

I am not scared of the pain.  I'm not anxious about the recovery.  Because instead of looking at it as an I have to go through that all again... I am completely utterly in awe of the fact that I get to do this all again.  Because for so long that wasn't something that I thought would actually happen.  And now here we are.  One hundred seventeen days (or less!) from meeting you.  I can hardly stand it the anticipation is so overwhelming.

I cannot wait to meet you, my little love.

To kiss you for the first time.

To count your fingers and toes.

To see the look on your daddy's face when he tells me if you are a boy or a girl.

To finally put a name to the sweet one who has been growing in my belly.

To introduce you to your brother.

He might be even more excited about your arrival than even I am, if that is even possible.

To bring you home.

To feel complete.

Because as beautiful as our life has been just the three of us, there has always been a little hole in my heart just aching to be filled.

A little hole that couldn't be filled until now.

A little hole that God fully and beautifully intended to be filled by you.

I love you, sweet baby.

I always have.

I always will.

Love, 

Mama