Three months.
There has been so much that has gone on in my life... in our lives... And yet every week when I walk by the computer and think about putting it all down in writing I am utterly overwhelmed and put off at the thought of having to play catch-up.
There are so many stories to share, but so little time to gather my thoughts on them all. Even more sadly are my seriously sad attempts at photodocumenting all of our adventures (I need a new point-and-shoot like, yesterday).
There have been points when I've completely given up on even reading blogs. All too often they leave me feeling sad, frustrated, and quite honestly a bit jealous and too down-in-the-dumps about my own little life to find enjoyment in sharing my own adventures. A few weeks ago I shared my sentiments with a sweet friend, and felt so relieved when she said she felt the same way. "It's so depressing!" we exclaimed to each other. "It seems like everyone else in the world is out shopping and Bible studying and drinking coffee and play dating and we are stuck with screaming, disruptive, unmotivated little creatures all day long! Gluing, grading, and working on standards?? Certainly NO ONE wants to hear about THAT!"
Blargh.
But here I sit today. Kitchen clean. Naps had. Laundry laundrying. Dishwasher dishwashing. And I figured I'd push aside all the annoyingly unattractive tid-bits of the past three months and instead focus on the amazingly beautiful things that I so want to cherish and remember about this season in our life.
This season.
A season of long work days and little time to rest...
A season of communicating with voice mails and text messages during lunch breaks at work...
A season of wondering "what's for dinner!" then rushing to defrost chicken or (more often than not) ordering take-out or dining on our favorite brand of cereal...
A season of counting down the months, weeks, days, hours until school is out for the summer...
A season of finding solace in a long email to a dear friend, a good cup of coffee, and a tear-jerking read on my Kindle when I know that all I really need is a good cry...
A season of stress and worry but also beautiful hope in the future God has for us...
A season of dependence on my husband to be my rock and my beloved, even when I'm tired and cranky and ugly and childish...
A season of growing up, letting go, and battling the inner child in me who just wants to spit in the face of all my responsibilities and run naked through the backyard sprinklers without a care in the world....
A season of change.
Joy.
Weeping.
Dancing.
Breaking down.
Building up.
And through everything, a season that I'm learning to rely less on me and my selfish desires and more on God to get me through my day and provide me with my daily provisions. I've learned to wake up each morning and pray that I'll begin the day anew, stripping off the old and pressing on towards the life He has called me to live. And each night as I drift off to sleep I pray that He would continue to mold me... forgive me... discipline me... into the woman He so desires me to be.
As depleting and exhaustingly chaotic as this season in our life has become, I know someday I'll look back on it and cherish it for what it has brought to our little lives. For the strength it has brought to our relationships. For the character it has built in each of us. For the beauty that was and is in each and every little moment we share together.
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom with God has done from beginning to end.
~Ecclesiastes 3:11
Posts
That is EXACTLY what I have been feeling. Kinda...without purpose. Initially, I thought it was because I'm bored, unemployment, new state and surroundings, really wanting to try to have kids but putting it off for a few more months. Maybe that's what the late 20s feel like. I am reminding myself often to search for the positives! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteWell, you know I am Queen of stinking at blogs. During my last dry run, I felt so defeated - frustrated that I wasn't tracking things for the sake of my kids and missing that outlet to the world outside of diapers and spit-up. But, you know, I came back to it and am actually enjoying it which I thought was not possible again. I think I learned to not be so hard on myself. Things happen in seasons, just like you said. I think as I get older, I'm getting better at embracing and accepting the season rather than wishing for the next.
ReplyDeletePlus, you say way more of value in one post than I say in many. So you got that goin for ya! :) Love ya sister.
♥ you're such a good mama, wife, employee, lover of God. I know it's exhausting and at times life feels overwhelming, but you are setting an amazing example for your son. Sounds like your priorities are in order and when you have so stinking many things on your plate, it's no wonder that blogging isn't one of them. But, like Sara said, I get more out of one post like this than I do out of 20 fluff posts (like mine ;) ). You're preaching real life-something I can certainly relate too. This season will soon be over and I know you'll be living ever moment of summer to it's fullest. Praise God for summer break--how do full time working mom's in other careers survive?
ReplyDeleteOlive Oyl. I can totally understand how you feel. If it makes you feel any better, I am not galavanting and painting the town red either:) Just staying home being completely overwhelmed trying to get things done. And nothing gets done. Mi casa is a constant source of disarray. I too am SO looking forward to summer, so John and I can figure out how to simplify our lives so we are not running ourselves ragged.
ReplyDeleteI know you would rather be gardening, reading, jogging or crafting and it must be so frustrating to have to put everything on hold. I love how you are leaning on God alone to give you joy and purpose.
Love you friend. So much.
ReplyDeleteYou verbalize how I feel about my blogging/time management as well (and better than I could). I'm glad you came back though!! You don't need to knock our socks off with projects and whatnot, just nice to hear your heart on things and see what the Lord is doing in your life!! :)
ReplyDeleteI need to do this in my life too...look at the positive and learn to lean on God. It's so hard finding time for everything...I don't know how you do it. I love reading your blog...whenever you find time to post. Don't put any pressure on yourself!!
ReplyDeleteThis is totally and completely my feelings about blogging and the season of life. I am lucky to get anything done these days. I feel guilty at times that I am not documenting my girl and how much she is growing and learning. I want so badly to remember and hold on to these moments. I haven't blogged in over 6 months! Seriously!? The thought of playing catch-up keeps me away from it. But you inspired me to do it... maybe. haha! You are amazing and can't wait to see so much more of you this summer!!! EEEK!
ReplyDeleteI feel like it could have been me that was having that conversation with you! Still so excited to see you blogging again. I missed reading about you.
ReplyDelete