Oh, yeah... we homeschool.

I haven't written much about homeschooling since my post on our Indian Day back in November.  It doesn't mean we haven't been doing it, it just means I've been more guarded in what I do/don't post about our daily lives and lessons in this little school of ours.  A few weeks ago we technically "finished" our first year of homeschooling and as much as I wanted to write about it, I have been processing a lot of things that made me want to keep it to myself as well.

I've learned a lot in this first year of homeschooling.  A lot about Swee'Pea.  A lot about myself.  A lot about life in general.  And my eyes have really been opened up more and more to how personal and precious the decision is on how you will educate your children.

Homeschooling is a hot button topic.  It is sensitive and personal.  I'd rank it right up there with natural childbirth, breast feeding, cloth diapering, sleeping training, and eating organic food.  There are people who will fight for it with every fiber of their being.  And there are people who will blast it with just as much passion and vengeance.

I feel like I've been very honest about the fact that homeschooling is not for everyone, but it most certainly is right for our family at this point in our lives.  I am open to talking about it to whomever wants to have a discussion about it, but I try not to flaunt it or push it on people who are very openly in opposition to it.  I'm an encourager to those who show interest or seek better understanding of the world of homeschooling, but at the same time I try (but know I can sometimes fail) to be considerate of those that just don't see it as a fit for their own lives.

I've never questioned our decision to homeschool.  It is something we discussed before we had a child. Heck, we discussed it even before we were married!  In the same token, I've never questioned my decision to be a public school teacher.  I can say without a doubt that public schools are needed in our society, and for eight years I have worked with some of the neediest and most desperate individuals of our county.  It is hard work.  And rarely am I praised by society or by parents.  In fact in the same discussion with someone just this past week I heard them in one statement blast homeschooling and the entire idea of it while one moment later blasting teachers and complaining that they aren't doing enough or working hard enough for their children.

I was offended and hurt both as a mother doing what I feel is best by my son, and as a public school teacher who has cried countless tears of exhaustion trying to do my best to raise these kids to a level that the government deems "acceptable."

In some peoples' eyes, I'm just apparently doing everything wrong.

The past several weeks have been hard.  I have had a heavy heart on so many occasions when the topic of both public school and homeschooling has been brought up.  I've allowed the joy I felt over teaching my son be robbed by insensitive comments and accusations.  I've allowed the joy I felt over watching my public school students have even the tiniest successes be robbed by ignorance and callousness. I've stumbled over my words, worried that I've come off sounding judgemental, and cried when I've felt hurt by other people's opinions of what we are doing in our home.

I've honestly questioned if I should ever write about homeschooling again.

But my heart aches at thinking I should be ashamed of the choice I'm making for my family.  Of the choice I feel like God has led Popeye and I to agree upon mutually.  The choice that has led to our son thriving.  Learning.  Growing.  Loving learning and loving school and loving the experiences he has had this year.

Because the truth is, being a homeschooling mom is one of the greatest joys of my life.  I truly truly love and enjoy it.  And my heart breaks at the thought that I would allow people to hurt my feelings enough that I would feel bullied into putting him into public school.  And in the same accord, my heart hurts at the thought that I've allowed people to make me feel ashamed about being a public school teacher.  To make me feel like something I consider to be my mission field is not good enough.  Not worthy enough.  Not important enough.  That I am not good enough.  Not worth enough.  Not important enough.

I think public school and homeschool both have important places in our society.  Teaching is not just a job... it is a passion.  I am passionate about helping little ones learn.  I am passionate about seeing them uplifted and encouraged.  I am passionate about seeing their chances at a better tomorrow improved because of something I have been able to share with or teach to them.  I am passionate about sharing Christ's love not only in my home, but in my classroom as well.

I am not always super eloquent with words.  But after reading this blog post several days ago I knew I had to get my feelings out on the table.  Not for other people.  But for myself.  So that when I'm feeling like my decisions as a parent are being questioned... when I have someone doubting that I have my son's best interests in mind... when I feel unappreciated by parents, by students, and by society as whole... I can look back.  I can remember.  I can remind myself that I am honoring what God has led me to do from the time I was a little girl dreaming of what I would someday become.

I am a loving mother.
Teaching her son.
Considering what is best for him.  For our family.  For this moment in time.
I am a loving teacher.
Teaching her tiny flock.
Considering what is best for them.  Loving them when they are often unloved.  Encouraging them when they need it most.  Ministering to them through my actions and my words and my presence in their lives.

My job is important.
Both as a mother and a teacher.
Your job is important.
Both as a mother and a teacher.

Because you see, we are all teachers to our children in some capacity.  Weather you are a homeschooler or an unschooler or a public schooler or a private schooler, we all teach our children.

We teach them with our actions.
We teach them with our words.
We teach them with our encouragement.
We teach them in our disciplining.
We teach them right from wrong.
We teach them to share and to be kind.
We teach them colors, shapes, words, and about the world around them.
Without even realizing it, we teach our children each and every day.

Because we are mothers.
And we all love our children.

And over the past few weeks, whenever I've felt unloved by a friend or worried that they are feeling unloved by me, these words my husband has so often said to me during our disagreements have continued to reverberate in my brain...

Just because I don't agree with you, doesn't mean I don't like you.

Motherhood is hard enough without the constant need to compare and belittle and judge.
Without constantly feeling like you need to feel bad or defend the choices you have made in your family's best interest.
And we need to stick together as we bring them up.
To love the Lord.
To serve Him well.
To be His light in this dark and sinful world. 
To love each other even when they may not agree or like the choices of another individual.
Because we all, deep down, want the same for them.
We all, deep down, have our own children's best interests in mind.

And although that may not look the same when it comes to birthing or feeding or schooling, it doesn't mean that any of us are making the wrong choice.  It just means that God's design for our family and our lives is different from the person next to us.  And as long as you are prayerfully allowing God to guide you in the path you are to take with your family at each moment in time, there is no reason you should ever doubt or question that you or anyone else is doing what is best for your or their children.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11