A tearful journey down memory lane.

For some reason I felt the need to go back and reread my blog posts from the beginning of 2009 and on.  It was strange looking back, as if I was peeping in on someone else's life when I shouldn't be.  So much has changed since then.  I cried tears over the pictures of our first home, seeing and remembering all the love and work we put into it over six years.  I cried tears over my words of anxiety and depression when I was working full-time and literally dreading every second of the day I was away from my sweet boy.  I cried tears over the milestones that have been documented, some fully with pictures and paragraphs and others in secret with long months of absence without posting or commenting.  Popeye's graduation.  That one horrible summer.  My four months of much-needed stress leave.  Weekend trips and getaways.  And all the daily little details that seem mundane but have grown to be my most cherished memories.

And I cried, oh how I cried, over my pictures of Swee'Pea.  My precious son.  My darling first born.  My heart aches that I'll never get to know him as a sweet baby and toddler again.  I longed for the day when he would be grown and would become a tiny little pal and companion to me.  That day has arrived and is full of sweetness.  But no more will I experience him as a chubby cheeked, blabbering, puppy-eyed mini-man.  And that breaks my heart.  Staring at him as he napped this afternoon I realized there is not one bit of little baby boy left to be seen.  He has grown tall and lean.  He speaks with a rich vocabulary.  He ties his own shoes, brushes his own teeth, washes his own hair, and gets his own snacks.  And I love it.  I love so much this precious person he has grown into.  

But I wish, that just for a minute, that I could go back to this sweet little thing.  To freeze time just for a bit. To Cuddle him close.  Whisper how much I love him.  And kiss those sweet, precious cheeks.  

My dearest Swee'Pea.  You are simply my favorite.  I can never thank Jesus enough for giving you to me.  You are the perfectly wonderful gift I know I do not deserve.  I am ever so grateful I was chosen to be your mama.  I have adored getting to love on and know you these past 5 1/2 year.  I pray and hope the bond that we have continues to strengthen all the rest of our days together.